SHORT STORIES 

Stories by Dave Vamfer
No Holds Barred

What level of embarrassment does this new event hold?

Restaurant Incident

Will the two-timing cheat get his just desert ?

Reflecting In A Cell

Will John change his ways?

The Handsome Shadow

Is the handsome stranger really a dream?

Women Trouble

Can I steal enough to keep my girlfriend?

No Holds Barred

 

Rosemary was reluctant to take her coat off. No one had seen as much of her as was about to be revealed since her husband's illness had started. Rosemary knew that if Tom were still alive he'd tell her there was no point in doing what she was about to.

Tom had always taken a fatalistic view. 'When your times up, it's up, and that's all there is to it'. He'd been dead for 10 years now. Rosemary wondered whether he was right, if she was putting herself in this very uncomfortable situation for nothing.

'Oh well, I'm here now' thought Rosemary and she quietly removed her coat and put it on top of one of the piles of coats on the tables at the back of the hall. No one took much notice but Rosemary was about as embarrassed as she possibly could be just the same.

She looked at all the naked flesh in front of her and wondered whether she looked as bad as the more unattractive examples at the party. She felt sure that she did as she reeled at the site of unsightly bulging stomachs extruding from tight knickers or underpants. Bosoms that were falling from ill fitting bras; and swimsuits that were either too small, or too large, for the present size of their wearers. Buttocks were exposed as well, either squeezing themselves from the top of overly tight garments, or revealing themselves in the manner of 'builders bums' because what should have been covering them had fallen down to meet thick haunches of upper leg. Rosemary sighed to herself, she knew that she had been right when she chose to wear her best underwear rather than the ill fitting swimsuit that she had planned to wear, until she tried it on and realised how much her body had changed since she last wore it.

The woman at the microphone announced that the next song would be 'Oops Upside Your Head'. Everyone sat on the floor with their naked legs around the person sitting in front of them and began moving their arms in a rowing motion. By the middle of the song the floor was a seething sea of bodies that looked as though they were engaged in a mass 'no-holds-barred' wrestling match.

It was too much for Rosemary, as the song ended she searched through the pile of coats for Her's

 

'Surely you're not going to chicken out now?' said Rosemary's friend Mary who had observed Rosemary's action.

Rosemary let go of the coats and turned to see Mary's stern 'I'm very disappointed in you' face. Mary took Rosemary's hand and led her into the line for the conga that was about to commence. Rosemary knew that the idea was to get as close to each other as possible but she held back because the bum of the gentleman in front was hanging out above the fallen back of his underpants. Still she was glad she was behind him and not in front, as his underpants were doing an equally poor job of concealing his penis. It was difficult not to stare at it, as it seemed to be doing a fair job of flopping up and down in time with the beat of the music.

Rosemary began to feel more comfortable with the whole thing after the Conga gave way to some party games. Musical chairs was ok and Rosemary enjoyed pass the parcel. She felt less comfortable when postman's knock was announced, but it was done in a friendly fun way such that she ended up quite enjoying that too.

Next came the 'disco' section. Rosemary noted that there was quite a bit of light groping going on during this part of the proceedings, more so by the ladies than by the gentlemen. She felt that it was a good thing that the event was hosted by 'Age Concern' as she felt that this contributed to preventing the groping from moving on to more serious physical contact. At the same time she felt rather disappointed that she didn't have anyone to flirt with and she knew that she wouldn't have minded taking the 'right man' home for some more serious physical contact herself. She had missed this aspect of life since Tom had passed.

The event Rosemary and Mary were attending wouldn't have seemed possible a few earlier. It was a party, but not a regular party. It was what had become known as an 'Oldies Measles Party'. The dress code being as little as possible though covering the 'essentials'. These parties have become popular. In addition to private events, they are offered by a quite a number of commercial organisations and charities.

It had all come about after the World Health Organisation had announced that 'after extensive trials and research, we have concluded that there will not be a vaccine or cure for the virus in the foreseeable future'. A short while after that the consensus became that people who were not in the 'seriously vulnerable due to illness' category should catch the virus before their 65th birthday, as the risk of death increased exponentially from the age of 65 onwards. 

These parties have had an unplanned side effect. A significant number of relationships have started from attendance at the parties. The percentage of new relationships was found to be far higher than result from the usual types of party event held for the over 60s. Some studies have concluded that a reason for this is that 'mature' people are often reluctant to enter a physical relationship because of fears as to what the other partner will think when they see them naked. Prospective partners at the 'Oldies Measles Parties' have already seen each other in a nearly naked state.

Rosemary wasn't lucky at the party. She neither caught the virus, nor did she find a new partner. However after some considerable time spent at home in front of a full length mirror she concluded that her body was far more attractive than most at the party. She has since been shopping around to find underwear or swimwear that shows her body to full advantage. Rosemary now has a very altered view of the parties. She intends on a no-holds-barred approach to get both the virus, and a new partner, at the next party she attends.

David Reggie Phillips

Copyright David Reggie Phillips - All rights reserved

 
 

The Handsome Shadow

 

Helen thought she could hear waves gently lapping. She must be dreaming her house was miles from the sea. She was just thinking that it seemed cold when she became aware of a shadow across her face. Helen opened her eyes. It was a handsome young stranger. He had beautiful hazel eyes which sparkled as he looked down at her. Helen spent a moment pursuing his handsome face. Jet black hair and eyebrows, a large nose - but not too big, a sensuous mouth, a strong chin. As she got down a little further she noticed that he was wearing a uniform. She glanced down further to his hands. One was cupped around a policeman's helmet held tightly against his side. In the other something was flapping in the wind, Helen recognised her knickers.

 

Helen's first thought was that she had been right, she was dreaming. Then she remembered that it was her birthday yesterday. The uncomfortable reality that this was 'the morning after the night before' flooded her whole being. As the handsome policeman enquired if she was all right, she glanced down and realised she was naked from the waist down. Now avoiding looking at his face she told him that she was quite all right.

 

"Yours?"

 

Helen was too embarrassed to speak any more. She took the knickers from his hand, he turned his head, and she put them on as quickly as she could. As she pulled them on Helen realised that she was on a beach.

 

"Well if your sure your all right I'll be getting along. Might I suggest that you acquire some more clothing before the town wakes up. That ok with you madam?"

 

Helen still couldn't speak, she nodded without looking at the policeman's face. She watched him walk away and then looked around to see if she could see any more items of her clothing, she couldn't. She started to piece together what had happened.

 

Helen had decided to return to the seaside town she was brought up in to celebrate her birthday with Caroline, her friend since childhood. After a meal and two bottles of wine at the new restaurant they adjourned to the 'Jolly Roger', the seaside pub they had often frequented as teenagers. Three cocktails each later, James walked in, just as he done when Helen first saw him. He was still dressed in black leather biker gear. Probably mostly due to the amount she had drunk, Helen thought him every bit as handsome as that first time. The three reminisced their teenage years for a while. At closing time James pulled Helen to one side and suggested they reprise the night that they had made love on the beach. Helen remembered telling Caroline she was just going for a little walk with James, and that she would see Caroline at her house later. Everything after that was a blank, but that was more than enough.

 

James must have had sex with her and then abandoned her on the beach when he couldn't wake her. He might at least have dressed her, then he always was an inconsiderate unreliable bugger, that was one of the reasons their relationship hadn't lasted. Helen smiled to herself as she got up and dusted the sand from her legs. She couldn't remember whether the sex was any good, but one thing she'd always remember, was her 70th birthday.

 

David Reggie Phillips

Copyright David Reggie Phillips - All rights reserved

 

Reflecting In A Cell

 

The cell door was closed. John took 2 steps which took him across the whole length of the cell, he sat on the bed. He'd never been in this particular holding cell before, he had an intangible feeling of déjà vu as he sat there. John had never been one for deep thought or reflection, but knowing that 12 people were deciding whether he would spend the next 20 years in prison was getting to him. He reflected that they too were behind closed doors, they would have carpet and comfortable chairs. They would drink tea and munch biscuits, while they discussed whether there was reasonable doubt in John's case.

Reasonable doubt was the key. John's Council had said there was always a chance, jury's are unpredictable. Not to worry it would be ok. But John knew from his tone and demeanour, that his Council expected John to be found guilty. John thought fear a weakness, he had kept it at bay as the evidence mounted against him, but it began to sneak into his being as the prosecutor had summed up. John began to have reasonable doubt that he would be acquitted, with this came the prospect of 20 years of incarceration. With this came fear for his future.

The fear grew quickly. It's growth was almost imperceptible to John, but it grew with an irrepressible and persistent vigour. As John was led on the short walk to the cell there were distractions, the handcuffs were put on again, the uniforms of his two guards - the colour and smell of freshly laundered uniforms, the guard's heavy footsteps and their glances to one another. The opening of the heavy cell door, the view into the small cell. But now there were no distractions, John was becoming increasingly aware of his fear. It was an alien emotion he had more or less banished during his adult life. Power and ruthlessness were the keys to getting respect and everything John wanted. Fear was weakness, John saw it in others and used it to manipulate and dominate them. But now John himself was engulfed in fear. In this state the dominance of the dark side of John's character began to desist. Small particles of the good buried deep within him began to gently effervesce into his consciousness. 

 

He remembered his mother. She was a single mum, he had never known his father. She had made many sacrifices for John, he had appreciated them in his younger days. As a teenager he forgot them, his mother became a voice nagging him to stop doing this or that terrible thing. He didn't stop, he gave barely a second thought to her tears, or to the heartbreak he saw in her eyes. When he was rich she would see that he was right to behave as he did. He would make it up to her. But then came the row over keeping drugs at the house. John told her that if the drugs had to go, he would go with them, and she would never see him again. He went and he had kept his word. Now he wished he had not. He thought of her gentle kindness to him when he was growing up. He thought he had never thanked her for anything. He thought she would probably be dead in twenty years time.

And then Mary entered his thoughts. He had used her badly. She had been besotted with him and willing to do anything he asked. He thought her weak but she was very attractive and satisfied his wilder sexual desires without complaint. That is until the day she told him she was pregnant. He had struck her, yelled that it was her fault if she didn't take precautions. Told her she was a fool and that her condition was her problem. That he never wanted to see her again.

He had never seen or heard of her since that day. He wondered if he had a son or daughter somewhere. He pictured his son playing, and longing to see his father, as John had done many times as a boy. There were tears in his eyes. He fought them back as he heard the cell door open. One of the guards announced that the jury was back, he took John's arm as the other prepared the handcuffs for use. John couldn't understand why the guard was pushing his arm with such force.

"Get up, get up, you'll be late for school again". John looked at his mother with some surprise. It had all been a dream. As he got ready for school John considered the dream. Was it just a chance dream, or a warning of things to come. A timely portent telling him to amend his ways before it's too late. John knew he was a bit of a bully and never very nice to people, perhaps he should change his ways? Yes he definitely would try to be a better person.

As he cycled to school John remembered the fight he was due to have with Billy. Billy would never make him look small in front of his classmates again. Anger swelled in John. Billy would pay for his insolence and disrespect to John. John would pummel him until he begged him to stop. He would show no mercy, then his classmates would know they have to treat him with respect. By the time John arrived at the school gates the dream was a distant forgotten memory.

 

David Reggie Phillips

Copyright David Reggie Phillips - All rights reserved

 

Women Trouble

She usually makes an excuse when I ask her out. Me I have a sixth sense about these things. She always smiles and says everything is ok, but I can read between the lines. I suggest going to the pictures, she's washing her hair. I suggest going to a wine bar, her friends are having a girls night. She's always affectionate, but that's because she thinks I'll have money again.

It was different when I did have money. Susie was always keen for me to take her out. If I'm not careful I'll lose her, lose the most gorgeous woman in the world. I need to get money quick.

I borrowed money from a loan shark to impress her, but now that's all gone. I don't even have my regular pay packet, that all goes paying to the loan shark. I'd stop paying but I tried that and got beaten up. They said if I missed another payment they'd break my arms and legs. I've got no chance of keeping Susie if I'm in hospital.

 

The only thing for it is to steal some money, I can pay off the loan shark and have enough left to court Susie properly again. She'll soon change her attitude to me when I take her to fancy restaurants and buy her expensive presents again.

A new branch of the co-op bank just opened in the high street. I tried to get a loan from them but their head office said no. It's a small branch and the staff seem very inept at their job, I'm sure robbing it will be quite easy. I can tell that the staff will just go to pieces if they're threatened. I'll buy a toy gun and paint it up so it looks more realistic. No one will notice it's not real when they're threatened with it. They'll be too worried about getting shot. Yes and I'll buy some stockings as well, it wouldn't do to be recognised.

I'm a little nervous outside the bank. I get in the doorway, put the stocking over my head and rush in. 'Everyone down on the floor or I'll shoot'. I put my hand in my pocket but the gun's not there. Shit at the last minute I decided not to wear my blue jacket because it's distinctive, and I forgot to take the gun from it. The alarm is going off and is deafening. I'd better leg it. I rush out the door into the arms of an arriving police woman. I briefly gaze into the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen. She's not expecting me and I easily push her aside and start running.

 

She's chasing me but I'm faster than her. I can't get those beautiful eyes from my mind so I'm slowing down just to see them again. She's caught up with me. She's not alone. She grabs me and knocks me to the floor, I hit the floor hard but she feels wonderfully soft on top of me.  My arm is grabbed and I'm turned over. She pulls the stocking off my head. I look into those mesmerising eyes again. I'm hopelessly in love. I can tell she fancies me from the look in her eyes and the big smile she gives me. Now  I'm roughly stood up and hand cuffed. I gaze lovingly at my captor while a male officer searches me. She's really is so gorgeous. Dishevelled and untidy from the chase, but a perfect figure, slim, curvy and very feminine, even in her police uniform. If only it was a few years earlier, when police women wore skirts, still she's fantastic in trousers, but a skirt would be better. I'm hearing a police constable talking to my new love.

 

"There's no sign of a gun sergeant".

 

I hear her sweet voice reply: " I'm sure he didn't drop it while I was chasing him. Check back over the route anyway, and search the bank thoroughly".

 

"Yes sergeant".

 

I was in a cell in the police station for a while, now I'm in an interview room. Sitting at the desk is a man in plain clothes and my gorgeous sergeant. I'm feeling elated at seeing her again, she looks even better now she's sorted out her hair and tidied herself up. I gaze into her eyes and she coyly avoids my glance, I know she's there because she wants to see me, not because she needs to be. I would have confessed everything to her but it's the male detective that's questioning me. I tell him almost the truth, leaving out the toy gun.

 

I've finished my story and another male officer has walked into the interview room. He tells the Detective and Sergeant that there's no sign of a gun, and that no one in the bank saw one. Both the Detective and my gorgeous Sergeant are looking very unhappy at this news. I'm feeling perturbed by my Sergeant's reaction. I feel slightly better as I overhear the  detective whisper to her that it doesn't look like she'll get her first armed robbery arrest after all.

 

I'm being taken from the police station to a prison holding cell. I'm alone in the back of the van. The ride is bumpy, I can't see out. My thoughts are fixed on the Sergeant's reaction to the lack of a gun. She had seemed to care more about the gun than me. She must know I'd get a much harsher sentence if I threatened with a fake gun. Perhaps I was wrong about how much she fancied me? Perhaps that lovely smile was just delight at catching me? She had been a bit rough when she tackled me, and again when she and her colleague pulled me up and cuffed me. I like my women soft and feminine, perhaps she's not the one for me after all. I probably shouldn't have slowed down. I'd probably have got clean away. I wish I hadn't slowed down.

 

I'm in prison awaiting trial. I'm alone in a dismal cell. I'm feeling sorry for myself, if only I hadn't slowed down. The cell door opens. I'm uplifted. A very sexy prison warden walks in.

 

She smiles warmly: " I'm officer Jenkins, but you can call me Sam,  everybody else does".

 

Sam is a large curvy woman and she is wearing a uniform with a skirt. The uniform is so becoming. Her enormous breasts barely contained by the tight jacket and her large curvy bottom magnificently displayed by her extremely tight skirt which has ridden up to reveal a strong pair of thighs.

 

I've been in the holding cell for three days. I long for the visits from Sam. She brings my meals, always with a warm smile, and we always have a nice little chat. I don't feel bad about slowing down for the Sergeant anymore. It was meant to be. If I hadn't slowed down and got caught I would never have met Sam. I'm certain that she's my soul mate, the one woman for me. She'll be here soon with my lunch. I'm tingling with anticipation, knowing I'll soon see her again.

 

The cell door opens. I'm dismayed, it's a man, some sort of prison escort chap. Apparently I've been bailed. I'm being taken to a reception area. I'm very surprised, Susie is there. She's telling me that she's posted bail for me, that she knows about me getting in trouble with the loan shark and that she's been working overtime to get money so she could repay them.

 

I'm finding it hard to take it in. She says she didn't tell me because she thought me too proud to take her money. That she was just going to pay off my loan anonymously. Now she wishes that she had told me, because then I wouldn't have been so desperate as to try to rob the bank. She says she used the money she saved for my bail, but it wasn't enough but she managed to get a loan for the balance by putting her flat up as security.

 

I've been home for a week now. I have to report to the police station twice a day. Ironically it turns out that Susie got the loan she used for my bail from the co-op bank I tried to rob. I bet she didn't  tell them the real reason she wanted it. Susie's ok, she pops round regularly but I've realised she's a bit on the thin side and she's not as good company as Sam.

 

I long to see Sam again. I've tried hanging round the prison gate but I never see her go in or out. I tried going in at visiting time but I couldn't get past the front desk, and they wouldn't tell me where she lives. If only I hadn't left the prison so suddenly and unexpectedly, I would have asked for her phone number. I know from our conversations that she's not got a man. I've got to see her again soon, a gorgeous woman like Sam won't stay unattached for long.

 

I've got it. I won't report at the police station. Two misses and I'm back inside. Why didn't I realise it was so simple before?

 

I've been in this depressing cell for five weeks. I'm so unlucky. I told Sam how I felt about her, turns out she's living with a lady called Lucy and they're thinking of getting married. In truth she was a bit on the large side, Susie has a much better figure. I told Susie that when she came to visit, but it didn't seem to register with her. She was so hung up about me losing the bail money she put up for me. And she was completely unreasonable about Sam. Said she didn't know how I could dump her for a lesbian. As if I would have dumped her if I knew Sam was a lesbian? Women can be so unreasonable.

David Reggie Phillips

Copyright David Reggie Phillips - All rights reserved

 

The Restaurant Incident 

 

It could easily have been the most awkward moment of my life, in fact it could easily have been the most awkward moment in any man's life. As it is, it missed this notoriety. That prize goes to the time I conned a lady over a dodgy 19th century antique cuckoo clock. She turned out to be my boss's mother. The problem with the clock was that the cuckoo had been replaced by a monk who exposed himself on the hour. This not only greatly reduced the value of the clock, it also rendered it totally unacceptable in the social circles she moved in. If only she hadn't decided to unveil the clock at a dinner party held to raise money for disadvantaged pensioners and attended by all the local dignitaries   .

 

Anyway back to the event I'm writing up now.

 

Well I was at dinner with Amanda and the evening was going very well. Except that I was deliberately over eating a lot and over drinking a little, and I was feeling decidedly  the worse for it. Why I hear you ask? Well it was because I'd spent the whole afternoon in bed with Julie and we'd made love three times, as a matter of fact we made love quite extensively in many positions. I hadn't intended to indulge in sex with Julie for the whole afternoon. I just got carried away in a sea of pleasure, forgot the time, and was very late leaving. In fact I only noticed how late it was just in time. I had to run to the taxi rank and finish dressing for dinner in the back of the cab. I was concerned about getting to the dinner with Amanda on time and looking reasonably well kempt on arrival. I congratulated myself on achieving both as the cab pulled up outside the restaurant. I doused myself heavily with after shave knowing that I'd need to find an excuse to take a shower at Amanda's before she got close enough to me to note that I had the scent of another woman about my person.

 

I greeted Amanda with a smile and a kiss. Both were returned warmly. She looked stunning, as always she was dressed immaculately and looking completely scrumptious. We indulged in some small talk and before I knew it we were sitting at a candle lit table eating our starters. Between the conversation my mind was trying to come up with a good excuse for taking the shower. I guess I was feeling guilty as I'm sure I came up with several perfectly good excuses for taking a shower, but I always imagined that Amanda saw right through them. Then quite suddenly I had a singularly uncomfortable moment. It was quite possible that I'd be unable to perform to my normal high standard when we got back to Amanda's flat after the meal. Three times in one afternoon was pushing it a little, even I couldn't rely on rising to the occasion for a fourth time. Almost immediately after this revelation of pending difficulty a solution presented itself to me. I'd eat and drink too much, particularly eat as I doubted that Amanda would look favourably on my getting drunk, also I needed to stay sober enough to ensure that I didn't say anything that might lead to Amanda getting suspicious. Perfect, my over eating would be my excuse for not feeling amorous tonight.

 

The real trouble started as I was awaiting my third order of sticky pudding and wondering if I'd be able to finish it without being sick. I was glancing around the restaurant as it was difficult to look lovingly into Amanda's eyes while I was both feeling sick and doing my best to convince her that I was still very hungry after eating as much as I had. Being struck by a bolt of lightning would have been more probable, and less  traumatic. Walking towards us with an angry countenance was... Julie.

 

Now is the moment to confess that I'd told Amanda that I finished with Julie six weeks previously, and that I'd never told Julie anything about Amanda at all. Any communication between them would result in me losing both, ..... and what would they do to me?

A thousand scenarios raced through my head simultaneously as I stared blankly at Julie's angry face coming towards me, at the same time I noted the waiter approaching with my sticky pudding through the corner of my eye.

 

"This looks very cosy, where did you pick her up then? Looks like she's come straight from a posh brothel?

 

I had no time to reply to Julie. I can't think what I could have said anyway.

Amanda's eyes flared 

 

"Look he's finished with you, get over it"

 

No more words were spoken. I don't know who grabbed who first. I looked on helplessly. Julie had one hand pulling hard on Amanda's hair. Amanda's hand was tight on Julies arm, which was bleeding from where Amanda's long manicured nails had dug into it. Somehow the waiter was tangled between them with one hand trying to separate them and the other still balancing a small silver tray with my sticky pudding on it.

I was certain that Julie would mention our liaison in the afternoon. I  was in turmoil. My senses knew what was happening but my mind couldn't believe it. Julie tugged Amanda's hair as hard as she could. Amanda lunged forward into the waiter, he stumbled downwards as my sticky pudding hurtled upwards across the restaurant. Everyone in the restaurant had their eyes transfixed on our table, they all remained fixed even as those in the trajectory of the sticky pudding were obliged to lower their heads to avoid being hit by it. It smashed into a wall, showering the four occupants of an adjacent table. All eyes momentarily moved to look at the people on the table. They were pebble-dashed with sticky toffee pudding, all four  trying to brush it off their clothing without moving their eyes from starring in our direction.

 

I was suddenly hit hard from nowhere. It was Julie's handbag. It felt like a brick had hit me, I was bleeding from somewhere and my ear hurt terribly. "You're not worth it" she shouted as she walked towards the door. Just about everyone in the restaurant applauded her as she went. Then all eyes turned on me in silent disapproval.

 

Amanda helped the waiter to his feet and then looked at me softly. "Count yourself lucky you broke up with that one when you did, some women just can't take rejection. We'll get a taxi to my place. I'll run you a nice relaxing bath and then I'll put you straight to bed so you can rest. You'll feel much better after a good night's sleep".

 

I walked out of the restaurant with Amanda.  I was bleeding and in pain, I was feeling sick, dozens of eyes were staring at me disapprovingly, a few people booed me. I couldn't believe how lucky I was. I think it was the luckiest night of my whole life.

 

David Reggie Phillips

Copyright David Reggie Phillips - All rights reserved